On Monday, I turned twenty-six...along way from the days when I dreamt of what it would be like at fifteen or sixteen. Those days are a decade past -- long gone...away. I stopped imagining my future shortly after reaching those teen years. And, maybe that's my problem. There's no real expectation, no anticipation of what life should be like for me as I grow older. Maybe I should start dreaming again.
I have a list of things I'd like to explore and conquer, but I just can't seem to find the spark to get going. I've had a few false starts. A flicker of a flame, an ember that I thought would eventually be just the thing I needed to get me going -- to light the fire. But nothing has seemed to catch on -- yet. I'll continue to forge my path to freedom of creative expression. I'll continue to delve deeper -- and even deeper. My life, my livelihood depends on it. At one point I felt as if I were at a crossroad -- safe career or the danger and uncertainty of what I really want -- to be a living creative expression. Early on I decided I needed to balance -- make money but still explore. Well, that definitely didn't work out the way I had planned. As I look back four years later, my dreams have been all but abandoned -- no nuturing. And what do I have to show for it -- no sense of self or rewarding accomplishment.
Now, someone on the outside looking in on my situation may see it differently. You have a career. You make good money. You have your own place. Yes, all of these things are true. But what I don't have is self-fulfillment. I am working towards it and this (writing this blog) is a huge step. If you have issues you must acknowledge them and attack them head on.
I ask for your help. If you can relate to this post, let me know. If you see me hold me to task and give encouragement. Send an email, post a message. I need all the support I can get in this next phase of my life! Hope you all are up for the journey!